Hook, You're Trying to Seduce Me, Aren't You
by Chattybookworm
Summary: Charming is being way too defensive about asserting his sexuality, and Hook comes up with the perfect plan to teach this prince a lesson. Minor spoilers for Season 3 Episode 2.


They had finally reached the top of the hill when Charming all but collapsed against the side of a tree, panting and clutching at the black tendrils of sickness that had been spreading over his skin.

"Not bad, for a man who's dying," said Hook cheerfully, popping the cork on his flask and taking a long pull of rum. "Keep it up like this and you'll be running marathons around the whole of Neverland."

Charming glared at him and made his way over to the clearing, sliding down against a fallen log. "Shut up and just hand me your flask."

Hook raised an eyebrow but handed it over. "Never took you for a rum bloke."

Sure enough, Charming had taken several rather large swallows and then proceeded to cough violently. "It's better than nothing."

"Aye, you might be right. After all, the way things are going, you might not last the night," Hook mentioned, leaning casually on the tree across from him.

Charming took another pull of rum and shuddered. "I'm not planning on dying up here."

"Well maybe not, mate, but all I'm saying is that you're not gonna be able to make it back to camp, not with that poison in your veins." He shrugged. "I know that it were me, I'd want to make sure I died having no regrets."

There was a scoff. "I don't have anything to regret," Charming said in a definitive and sure voice. Hook simply stared at him, cocking his head to the side for a long moment. Then something seemed to click. "Oh no," Charming huffed in a disbelieving tone. "Don't tell me you're giving me the last night on earth speech."

Hook chuckled. "Don't tell me you never thought about it."

"I haven't," Charming said stubbornly, tossing the now empty flask of rum to the ground. "And believe me, you would be _last _on the list."

"Ah, there's a list," Hook prompted, crossing his arms across his chest and shooting him a smirk. "So you've thought about being with men before?"

Charming let out a startled cough. "Of course I haven't! It's vile and it wouldn't be proper."

"_Proper_!" Hook laughed, disengaging himself from the tree to slowly walk towards where Charming was sitting. "You know what's not proper? Not telling your own bloody wife that you're dying."

"She doesn't need to know." Charming's eyes traveled down to the ground and stayed there. "I don't want her to worry."

At this, Hook crouched down in front of Charming, whose head jerked back up at his immediate presence. "And yet you felt comfortable enough to tell _me _of all people all about it." His lips curled into a mocking smile. "Do I detect trouble in paradise?"

Charming leaned forward slightly. "I love my wife," he hissed, "we always find each other because it's true love."

"True love is bollocks," Hook countered. "And if you really loved that little gingersnap, you would tell her the truth. No, there's something else." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You're not satisfied with her."

"What?!" Charming sat up straighter, apparently deciding that it still wasn't worth the trouble to try and stand up. "That's ridiculous, I'm..._plenty_ satisfied…"

"Please, I've seen the two of you together," Hook rolled his eyes. " All fairy gumdrops and rose petals and fluffy unicorns. That's all well and good...if she was your _sister_." Charming started to protest, but Hook continued, "Tell me, when was the last time you fucked?"

Charming practically choked on his own saliva. "That is none of your business! The frequency that I...make love to my wife is not something I would share, especially with a pirate! And especially when that pirate is you."

"Bugger that 'making love' nonsense, because there's your bloody problem, mate. You must not have heard me correctly." At this, Hook leaned in closer, interested to note that only as a delayed reaction did Charming move away. He was staring wide eyed as Hook gratuitously licked his lips and repeated: "When. Was. The. Last. Time. You. _Fucked_."

"You're despicable," Charming retorted, though his anger was mixed with something else that Hook knew he could use.

"I've noticed, you know." He waited until Charming let out a defensive _'what' _before continuing. "I've seen you staring at my arse. I'm sure your lovely wife never noticed, not that she would, but I can always tell when I'm being ogled."

"I-I was never…!"

"I mean, I realize that I'm a particularly...desirable man." Hook raised an eyebrow and lent Charming his signature smirk, the one he usually saved for bar wenches in taverns. "And after spending all your time with that prim and proper little tart, well-I can see why you would be yearning for something a little more...daring."

Charming was shaking his head, something resembling a scoff escaping his lips. "You're insane."

And Hook swung his left arm forward, embedding his hook into the wood of the log next to Charming's arm. "And you're a coward!" Charming was stunned into silence and could only gape at Hook as he spoke in a hushed and rumbling whisper. "You're scared-you're scared because you want this. Because you've wanted this for longer than you care to think about, and you're scared that you'll actually _like it_."

"No," Charming whispered, shaking his head like it was the only motion he remembered how to do. "I don't."

"Hmph." Hook dislodged his hook from the log but didn't pull it back, moving it instead to trail along Charming's arm and up his shoulder. "I suspect that you haven't taken enough risks, mate. Your whole life has been one 'easy way out' after another." The hook came to rest along the crook of Charming's neck. "You've never really tasted danger."

Charming looked Hook directly in the eye, jaw clenched but not attempting to flinch away from the cold steel. "I'm not afraid of you," he said clearly.

There was a mischievous glint in Hook's eye as he slowly pulled his hook back. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps that was simply the easy way out." His other hand, his real one, snaked forward unnoticed until it landed on Charming's upper thigh, causing the other man to inhale sharply, his whole body freezing up. Hook grinned. "Ah yes. _This _is the real danger, isn't it?"

Charming's voice was shaky as he tried to growl, "Let go of me."

Hook lifted his fingers one by one, but then pulled his hand back, moving it instead to rest on his own knee, only inches away from Charming's. "If you _really _don't want me to, I won't," he promised. But his eyes narrowed and he spoke slowly, every word enunciated in his rumbling baritone. "I don't want to touch you-I want you to _want _me to touch you. I want to hear you beg for it, your body aching for my hands, my mouth, my body."

"Well," said Charming, "I guess you'll be waiting a very long time, then."

"I don't think I will, though." Hook remained motionless, making no effort to move towards him again, but he knew that his voice and his words would have far greater effect than any touch right now. "I see the desire in your eyes-it's still clouded by shame and cowardice, but it's there. You've seen what has been made available to you and your body is _burning _for it. You want something that girl has never given you-pure, wild, _passionate_, ecstasy."

Charming swallowed hard and his eyes betrayed him, sliding down from Hook's eyes to his lips to the bare skin of his chest peeking out from under his jacket.

"So, your Highness," said Hook, knowing how very aware Charming was of their proximity, "I'll ask you again-do. you. want. this?"

A short silence, then a very quiet: "No."

"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Hook all but purred, his fingers moving teasingly forward again, ghosting over his leg. Charming's eyes were wide and he bit his lip, shaking his head again as he uttered an even more quiet and unsteady, "_no_."

"Once more for posterity, mate. Say it like you mean it this time."

There was a split second where Hook thought that perhaps Charming was going to punch him after all-his face was contorting into several pained expressions and his breath was ragged-but he snapped, letting out a choked noise as he grabbed Hook's wrist and yanked his hand forward until it landed directly between his legs.

"I knew you'd give in to me eventually," Hook said with a satisfied smirk, enjoying the conflict on Charming's face as he was massaged through the fabric of his pants. But Hook was nowhere near finished. His fingers crept higher and with one smooth motion, flicked open the button of Charming's jeans and slipped his hand under.

Charming's little grunts of protestation immediately turned into a full blown whine as Hook stroked him roughly, his body shaking at the touch and his teeth digging into his lower lip so hard it drew blood. And Hook knew that it was time to move on to phase two of the plan. He watched Charming's face carefully and waited until the prince's breaths were coming faster before giving a sharp and decisive jerk of his wrist.

Charming hissed in pain as Hook's hand retreated from the confines of his pants. "W-what are you-" he gasped, his cheeks flushed bright.

"You know," Hook said calmly, pointing the sharp end of his hook at the dip in Charming's shirt, "you won't even be able to look at me after this." Moving excruciatingly slow, he dragged the hook down the fabric, cleanly ripping the shirt down the middle.

"Don't flatter yourself," Charming barely managed, his eyes trained on the hook as it made its way down to the hem of the shirt. He gave a violent shudder as Hook casually trailed the blunt side of the steel over his exposed chest before giving the skin a shallow nick just above the left nipple.

Hook kept his dark eyes fixed on Charming's frantic face as he bent low to run his tongue along the thin red trail of blood that was inching its way down the heaving chest. Charming let out a choked shout as he arched backwards, his hips involuntarily bucking forwards and the hand that was not clenched in the grass flew to the collar of Hook's jacket.

He had no sooner grabbed hold of the fabric when Hook smacked his hand away, pinning Charming's arm to the log behind him. "I don't think so, your highness," he chided, which led to another frustrated groan. The blood was gone, but Hook still played with the skin of Charming's torso, intentionally scratching his beard along the stomach and rib cage before eventually making it back up to the crook of his neck.

"I-" Charming gasped, both hands curled into fists at his side, "I want-"

Hook graced him with a mocking smile. "You want...what?"

And Charming was still shaking his head, not knowing how to ask. "Please" was all he managed through clenched teeth, but Hook wasn't going to let him off that easy. His hook traveled back down across the heated flesh until it rested dangerously close to the unbuttoned clasp of Charming's pants. "Please..._what_?"

The sound that came out of Charming's mouth was less than human, and Hook was amazed at how far this prince had fallen. His back wasn't even touching the log anymore as he leaned further towards Hook's touch, and even now, all he could do was repeat the plea, but louder this time: "_Please_."

It would have to do. Hook rocked back on his heels and used his good hand to grip the fabric at Charming's hip and haul him over onto his stomach. And Charming was more than accomodating-he had lifted both his arms to rest across the log, hanging on for dear life as he all but _presented _himself to Hook. "Just do it," he panted, gulping audibly as the steel hook grabbed hold of one of his belt loops and pulled the pants down to his ankles.

Hook lightly ran the tip of the blade across the delicate skin of Charming's lower back before it ventured just to the dip between his legs and Charming went deathly still. The only sound in the clearing was his ragged breathing and occasional whimpers.

The hook remained where it was, but its owner brought his hand around Charming's hunched back and dangled two long fingers in front of his face. "In your mouth," Hook commanded, and Charming immediately did as instructed, licking and sucking earnestly until Hook yanked them out without warning. "Be as still as possible," he growled in Charming's ear. "This will hurt a bit, mate."

Charming whimpered again, but threw his head into a nod as his hips bucked again. Hook brought his slick fingers down to where his hook was still resting, ghosting them right over where he knew Charming was aching for them to be.

And then he drew back.

"Ah, Charming," he let out a low chuckle. "If only there was someone out there who would fuck you."

Charming floundered as he attempted to form coherent words but Hook had already gotten to his feet and strode away. "Oh yeah, and one more thing." He reached into the pouch at his hip and pulled out the small vial of healing water he had acquired earlier that day before tossing it to the ground next to Charming. "You might want to drink that soon before you drop dead."

He smirked at the half-groan half-whine that came from Charming's still slumped figure before spinning on his heel to leave. "See you back at camp, mate."


End file.
